Envy.

Who'd Have Known- Lily Allen

It's 5 o'clock in the morning
Conversation got boring
You said you're going to bed soon
So I snuck off to your bedroom
And I thought I'd just wait there
Til I heard you come up the stairs
I pretended I was sleeping
And I was hoping you would creep in
With me
You put your arm around my shoulder
It was as if the room got colder
We moved closer in together
And started talking bout the weather
Said tomorrow would be fun
We can watch A Place In The Sun
I didn't know where this was going
When you kissed me
Are you mine?
Are you mine?
Cause I stay here all the time
Watching telly, drinking wine
Who'da known, who'da known
When you flash up on my phone
I'd no longer feel alone
No longer feel alone
I haven't left here for days now
And I'm becoming amazed how
You're quite affectionate in public
In fact, your friend said it made her feel sick
And even though it's moving forward
There's just the right amount of awkward
And today you accidentally
Called me baby
Are you mine?
Are you mine?
Cause I stay here all the time
Watching telly, drinking wine
Who'da known, who'da known
When you flash up on my phone
I'd no longer feel alone
Let's just stay
Let's just stay
I wanna lie in bed all day
We'll be laughing all the way
Told your friends
They all know
We exist but we're taking it slow
Now let's just see how we go
Now let's see how we go
Let's just stay
Let's just stay
I wanna lie in bed all day
We'll be laughing all the way
Told your friends
They all know
We exist but we're taking it slow
Now let's just see how we go
Now let's see how we go

I am jealous of this poem because it's talking about a girl and boy that are starting to fall in love and that's just all I want in life right now. I envy people who are in love.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Let it Be.

This is for everyone whose ever had their heart broken.
This is for anyone whose ever been played.
Let it be.
This is for anyone whose been bullied,
the people who have been physically hurt, or physically hurt themselves.
Let it be.
This is for anyone whose been judged.
For the one that people call a "Slut" but you're really were raped.
This is for you.
This is for anyone whose gotten so far in the deep end,
that they think there's no hope in going back.
This is for you.
This is for the ones who think drugs, and alcohol is the only way out.
Let it be.
For anyone who gave it there all,
and still came out the loser.
This is for the childhood dreamers.
For the girls who dream of being a princess.
BE a princess. No one can stop you.
This is for you.
This is for the girls that think they're fat.
This is for the kids that feel no love.
This is for the STRONG,
and this is for the weak.
This is for the hopeless, and the homeless.
This is for you, and this... this is for me.
Let it be.

Ghandi

I keep forgetting the sound of his voice,
the way his face looks.
I keep forgetting how a functional family looks.
I keep forgetting he is part of this family.
I keep forgetting what it's like to be loved,
to be held,
to have someone to run to when your heart is broken.
I keep forgetting what it's like to have a man in my life,
a REAL man.
I keep forgetting what it's like to be happy,
what it's like to see my mom happy.
I keep forgetting how my brother use to be before we lost you.
Before he came home stoned all the time reeking of weed.
I keep forgetting he loves me.
I keep forgetting.
I keep forgetting to just let it be.
I keep forgetting that I'll be able to see him again one day,
Because when I forget,
I sometimes mess up.
I keep forgetting that I'm currently carrying your last name,
and you were a great man, so I should be a great women.
I'll try not forget anymore,
because I love you, Dad.

My Journey

Born in Arizona, raised in Utah.

I've grown up like any other kid, except, I don't have a dad.

It's hard to grow up without a dad, without a man to love you.

I have had my heart broken numerous times,

Just because I feel the need to be loved by a man.

I fight for everyday of my life.

I'm trying to figure out who I am, and am still in the process.

Hopefully one day I can figure out My Journey.

Film Analysis

Law Abiding Citizen (2009)
Ordinary World:Cylde Shelton is a Engineer, and a very smart man. He is a happy Father, with a beautiful daughter and wonderful wife.
Call to Adventure:Clyde owes some money to a man by the name of Darby and fails to pay up, so Darby comes to his home, knocks Clyde down, kills his daughter, and rapes his wife and kills her as well while Clyde is laying on the floor, watching,unable to move.

Refusal:At the trial there is not enough evidence to convict Darby, and only his accomplish Rupert Ames is sent to the death row and Darby only has to serve three years in prison. After Clyde pleads with his lawyer, Nick Rice, he's only disappointed to find out there is nothing he can do because there's no evidence and the justice system just doesn't work that way.

Mentor:To me, Nick Rice in a way is Clyde's Mentor. By telling him that it was just how the justice system works in america it set him off to show the country how terrible their system really was.

Threshold: Ten years later,Clyde becomes a violent sociopath and is arrested as the chief suspect for Darby's death.

Test, Allies, Enemies: Clyde is a very smart man and his only allie is himself. Where on the other hand everyone involved in his wife's and daughters case is his enemy.

Approach:In order for Nick to get a real confession out of him, Clyde makes a deal. He wants a new mattress with a soft pillow. Once in Jail he makes another deal in order for them to find a detective that he has buried alive. All he wants is a steak from a certain restaurant delivered at 1:15 and he will tell them where the body is. He uses the T-bone from the steak and kills his cell mate and is then sent to solitary confinement.

Ordeal: Clyde has secret tunneling in solitary confinement and sneaks out to place a bomb in city hall right under a very important meeting. Nick finds the bomb and takes it back to Clydes cell and hides it under his bed. The bomb is triggered by a cell phone. Clyde thinks the bomb is still where its suppose to be so it triggers it and kills himself.

Reward: He no longer has to suffer with living without his wife and daughter.
Return with Elixir: Clyde has been able to show in some way how off Americas Justice System is and that it needs to be fixed.

Archetypes:

Hero- Clyde Shelton

Mentor- Nick Rice

Threshold Guardian- Judge Laura Burch

Herald- Nick Rice
Shapeshifter- Mysterious Co-worker

Shadow- Clarence Darby

Trickster- Nick Rice

Ordinary World

Her names Lemoses Pepperseed.
Every morning she drags herself out of bed and puts on that stingy smile that hides all the pain she really feels inside.

The house she lives in is the farthest thing from a home. 

Seeing as there's no male figure present anywhere in her life she falls easily in love,
but it's only a matter of time before she gets her heart broken yet again.
At night she sits in her bed and cries where no one can her hear.
She carves things into her skin hoping it will take the pain in her heart away.
She knows she isn't perfect, and regrets many of the choices she has made in her life.

After a year and a half he tells her he is done with her. Just like that.
This time it's too much.
He doesn't deserve her tears, and she doesn't need him.
This time she's going to take a different approach.
Fixing all the mistakes she's made, and most importantly, she's going to be happy.

Blurbs.

I Gave You All - Mumford & Sonss

A girl with Cystic Fibrosis, a lung disease, has given her all to her body in fighting for her chance to live. She has always loved to dance and has dedicated her life to it, pushing herself to the max, but still keeping her body as healthy as she possibly can. Until one day she can't fight anymore and her body takes over.


Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne

A classic story of love between a boy and a girl. They have a perfect friendship and neither of them have ever been more comfortable with another person than they are with each other. One day the girl lies to the boy, and their trust is broken. After that everything seems to go down hill. Will love be enough to overcome the hell they've gotten themselves into?


Falling Slowly - The Frames
A girl that has been to hell and back has finally hit the end of her rope. She backs up her bags, takes all her well earned money and leaves to travel the world. Throughout all the places she makes new friends and has her eyes opened to what the world is really like. She realizes that her trials were nothing compared to the people of the world, and she finds true happiness along the way. 

My Story

Whats my story?
My story is full of heartbreak. Led by men.
Yes I said it, MEN. [Can't live with them, can't live without em.]
Sadly my life lacks their presence most the time.
It all began when my father died,
                                                    then my grandpa.
                                                                              Then I lost my brother to drugs.
I always wished for the older brother that was awesome and you could always talk and was the football star and all that jazz.
Mine got sent away for a while.
We began to come closer, but I was stupid to think we could even have that kind of relationship, because the second he came home he just abandoned my family, and me.
For the weed...
                         We rarely see him.
Then of course I made the worst decision of dating HIM.
I was a sophomore and barely even knew him, no one even thought to warn me.
Oh wait the entire student body warned me, did i listen?
NO. Stupid, Stupid girl.
If you were wondering he cheated on me. He broke my heart more than it's ever been broken.
And yes I did take him back. I know what you're thinking, STUPID GIRL!
Which I was.

Now I've got you.
You're all I want.
You're all I think about it.
But you make the relationship so hard.
Just tell me how you feel, please.
SCREAM IT IN MY FACE!
Even if you don't feel the same way, don't worry.... I can survive
I've made it this far.
"I can be alone, I can watch a sunset on my own"

But truth is... I'd rather be with you.

Found Poem

She has no hair.
Her face droops because of the stress
This is the ninth time here this week.
He promises nine years
This disorder is a war.
Seeing this war won't end...

She needs to rest her head
If she had decided, she'd be a butterfly.
So she wouldn't have ever had to suffer like this.

Song Title Poem

Dear Mama,
Can't find the words...

Didn't mean to hurt you.

If I die young,
                       addicted,
                                     halfway gone,
                                                           like a toy soldier.
Erase me,
let go,
don't think I can't love you.

Ain't no sunshine,
all around me,
in my head.
I feel like dying.
I just can't live a lie.
Happiness is a warm gun.

Fire burning, 

Felt good on my lips.
How sweet it is,
                    come on get higher.
                                                       Higher.
I can't help it.
I never told you,
all I ever wanted,
just to see you smile.

But for the grace of god,
here it goes again,
harder to breathe.
It ends tonight,
I'll be in the sky.

If we ever meet again,
Imma be,
angel boy,
in repair.

Blame it on me...
Born this way.
If i could,
apologize.

Because I got high.

Rain.

I open the car door and push it open and tell him he's going to kiss me in the rain.
I wrap my legs around his waist and we begin to kiss.
The rain hitting our skin, but we didn't mind. In fact we loved it.
He sets me down and we begin to dance.
His hands fit perfectly in the spaces between mine. 
You'd think my feet would be cold without any shoes on...
But I don't even notice. 
He swept me off my feet long ago.
He looks into my eyes...
                                       He smiles...
                                                          He laughs...
                                                                             He tells me how happy he is.
Truth is I've never been more happy than I was in this moment either.
We look out over the view of the valley.
He tells me how its the second best view.
I ask what the first is.
And he responds by telling me it's somewhere he's going to take me...
THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH.
It's in little moments like this when you realize how much you care for a person.
When you both can't stop smiling or kissing the other person, and you never want
to stop holding each other.
When you realized you're in love.
If he only he knew how much I loved him.

                                       

Direct Orders.

You've been given direct orders to rock out.
Rock out like he just told you he loves you.
Unleash the inner child.
Blast your favorite songs, jump on your bed,
throw up some pillows.

Just be happy.

You deserve that, and you owe it to yourself.
Don't you?

Rock out like it's your last day on earth.
Rock out because it is your last day on earth.
And we're going to dance.
Dance like no ones watching.
We'll keep on dancing till the world ends.
and we'll keep dancing all the way up to the gates of heaven.

Tales of a Teenage Nobody.

I'd be lying if I said I don't think about death...

When I was little I use to think about what would happen if I lost a parent, or both my parents in some type of freak accident.
I never thought it would actually really happen.
I think I've experienced a lot more death than any 17 year old should have to.
The only thing worse than actual death, is dying inside from all the heartbreak you experience.
From the deaths, from rude people that enjoy making up rumors just to spice up there own lives, and from stupid boys that don't know how to respect girls.
It's a pain that hurts you so bad on the inside and you can litterally feel your heart breaking.
Thats the worst kind of death.
If only people knew the story behind everyones fake smile, maybe the world would be a little bit better of place.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk alone, I walk alone.
I don't even know how I got here, or what I'm doing here.


To my right i see a plane that has just crashed, it's burning, and two survivors are running and calling out for help. 
But i walk alone. I walk alone.


To the left i see an old run down hospital but there are two ambulances outside loading an elderly couple into them. 
I walk alone, I walk alone.


I turn around behind me because I hear a car screech. A helpless lab has just been hit and is panting for breath. I turn to go run and help, but something turns me back around. 
Yet I continue to walk, alone. I walk alone. 


As I continue to walk I see a piano that has never been played, and pointe shoes that have never been danced in. I see a Arizona State acceptance letter, and as I reach to grab it, it bursts into flames. 
I walk in shame. 
I walk alone. 


I look  up and see something glistening in the sun, a ring. I slip it on my left finger. 
I continue to walk alone.
I see white fabric flowing in the wind. I pick it up and put it on my head.  I see a bouquet of flowers. And as I pick them up I turn and walk onto the Boulevard of Dreams. 


I'm no longer alone.

Thinking of You

I'm thinking about you like the stars think of the moon, like the moon thinks of the sun. Like the sun thinks of the day to come.
I'm thinking about you like druggies think about getting high. Like planes think about getting high.
I'm thinking about you like a heart thinks about healing. Like a boy thinks about cheating and all the other possibilities.
I'm thinking about you like grass thinks about growing and strippers think about showing, like kids think about knowing.
I'm thinking about you like Alice thinks.
She thinks too much.
Like cowboys think about riding, and kids think about hiding.
I'm thinking about you summer thinks about fall. Like kids think about the fall because they're dreading going back to school.
I'm thinking about you like the terrorists thought about making the twin towers fell. Like so many hearts that day thought of their loved ones. Thinking, hoping praying they'd be safe. I'm thinking about you on this day like so many others, thinking about their loved ones that they've lost. I'm thinking about you and all the other heroes across this great nation. God Bless.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSvwgqwdYYU

What is love?

All you need is LOVE. Or so the infamous Beatles once told me.
LOVE is a River. Every time you step back into it, it's a NEW BEGINNING.
It's a puzzle, and you'll never be able to finish it until you find the one with the last piece to your heart. 
LOVE is like a severe case of CANCER, it vigorously spreads through your body and there's no stopping it.
LOVE is a Disney movie.
It's a country song playing in the background while a couple is kissing in the pouring rain.
LOVE is a helpless newborn, that needs caring and nourishment to grow.
It's a penny in the rain.
It's a dog chasing his own tail.
LOVE is heartbreaking. You usually don't realize what love is there, until you've lost it. 
It's untold story in everyones heart, that no one has the time to listen to.

Introduction

I'm drunk on you and high on summertime, but now the summer is over. I'm no longer running around barefoot, sleeping in, swimming or living a free life. Now I'm trapped. Like I'm stuck in a dungeon for 6 hours. Everyday. Stuck with stuck up kids. Nonetheless, I'm determined to look past everyone's flaws and try to make this one of my better years in high school.